Beauty Contest

Dawson and Joey are watching a documentary of bugs doin' it in his bedroom. For "school." I think maybe Dawson is just into some weird porn. Anyway, Joey is complaining about how, while bugs choose their mates by instinct, humans are conditioned to like whoever the media tells them is a hottie this month. He says that she can't deny that pure animal instinct has something to do with who she is attracted to, and since I know that she's supposedly attracted to Dawson, I threw up a little in my mouth.

Credits. A nice break from this nonsense.

At the Icehouse, the gang expositions the fact that the "Windjammer Days" are coming up, part of which is a beauty pageant that Dawson's mom is helping judge. Joey thinks it's an archaic, sexist ritual; Pacey hopes there's a swimsuit portion. Jen's all like, "I am sooo pretty; I used to win pageants in my sleep!" Dawson thinks she should enter, and she embraces her false modesty and says no, before leaving.

Jen and Joey convene by the bar, where Joey whines that she's poor and won't ever get out of Capeside. Jen ignores her problems and tells her they should be BFFs now that Dawson's not coming in between them. Joey reluctantly agrees. You'll come to regret this, Potter, I just know it!

At school, Pacey rifles through his locker frustratedly, then leaves it wide open as he and Dawson walk away. I hope all your valuables get stolen, Pacey. Apparently Pacey is pissy because his dad yelled at him for being a failure before school. Dawson offers to let him stay over; Pacey says he wants to become an emancipated minor. Yikes. Well, at least they go back over to the bank of lockers so Pacey can close his. If he has to get his own place, he can't afford for those undetermined valuables to go missing. Anyway, the idea is planted in Pacey's head that the Miss Windjammer winner gets prize money. Hey...

In the cafeteria, Jen hits on Joey. Awk-ward. "I know I'm not pretty," says Joey disingenuously. The girls argue-- you're prettier! No, YOU'RE prettier! Jen suggests that Joey enter the Miss Windjammer pageant. She offers to coach her. Joey balks at the idea, but Jen is persistent. She reminds Joey that the winner gets $5000. "I'd say that's a pretty respectable college nest egg, don't you think?" she says. Joey glares, but the wheels are turning.

Later at the Yacht Club, which I think is a different Yacht Club than the one Joey works at later in the series, which means this tiny town has two Yacht Clubs? Anyway, at the Yacht Club, Jen and Joey go to sign up for the pageant. Where they discover that Pacey is trying to sign up! Heh. Pacey invokes constituational law-- you know, the amendment about how dudes should be allowed to enter beauty contests. Ratified in 1998. That one.

They leave him to it, and Dawson joins them as they go to fill out their own application. Dawson cluelessly assumes that Jen is the one who's entering, and laughs maniacally when he finds out it's Joey. Well, maybe not maniacally. But it's still pretty douchey. "I see. You think I'm such a barking car-chaser that a D-student with a Julius Caesar haircut has a better shot than me? Thanks a lot." Exactly, Joey. That's exactly what he thinks. He says it's just "not you." She fills him in on her plan-- to win and use the money to GTFO of Capeside, and he laughs a little more before saying, "Joey, you're my best friend. I'd never laugh at you!" Lies, Leery.

Apparently Pacey strong-armed the ladies lunching in charge of the pageant to let him in, because he sits among the perm-haired and prissy girls. A "Hannah Von Wenning of the Bar Harbor Von Wennings" sits down behind him, and they trade barbs. She looks old. Is this pageant just for high schoolers? A woman in an ill-fitting blazer comes on stage with a clipboard in hand to lead pageant orientation or something, and Miss Hannah Von Wenning calls Pacey a buffoon, which is an insult I really haven't heard in awhile and think perhaps should be brought back.

Over at Grams', Jen's making Joey walk with a book on her head, probably just to laugh at her. Joey glowers and asks Jen why she's helping her. Jen says she never had girlfriends in New York, and thinks it looks like fun. Jen spends an awful lot of this season begging Joey to be her friend.

Pacey thinks he's going to sing for his talent, and serenades Mitch and Dawson with Sinatra. Not gonna happen. "Pacey, if you want to win this thing, you've gotta take it seriously. If you win, the Associated Press would be all over this. Not to mention CNN, I mean, it's going to be international news!" says Dawson. I doubt it. Also, you know Dawson's just brainstorming away about how he can film something to get on the aforementioned news channel. Way to think about yourself, Doucheson.

"So. What's going on with you two?" Joey asks Jen, looking out the window at his house. Subtle, Jo. Jen says they're figuring out how to be friends, and asks what's going on between Joey and Dawson. "Dawson will always see me as the gawky little girl down the creek with bandaids on her knees and one braid falling out," says Joey. Pout.

Back at Casa Leery, Dawson tells Pacey he thinks Joey's been avoiding him. "I miss her when she's not around," he whines. Pacey, aka the voice of the audience, says he's relieved that Dawson's finally coming around. Dawson says nah, he thinks of Joey as, like, a sister. "So what you're saying is you don't want her, but you don't want anybody else to have her either?" Dawson looks pensive. Or maybe constipated. I can't tell. Either way, yeah, that's totally what he's saying.

The following day at the Yacht Club. There are girls in tutus, girls tap-dancing, girls doing the splits upside down, and girls answering questions about themselves as Dawson films them. They're totally doing that thing that TV shows do where they set up all but one or two contestants as being just completely awful, so that there's no question why our heroine (or-- spoiler alert-- in this case, a frizzy-haired girl named Roberta Crump who answers all the questions really selflessly and sweetly) will win.

Meanwhile, Hannah Von Wenning is wearing another pantsuit. She and Pacey banter some more-- apparently he asked her out in 6th grade and she stood him up. Then she rubs it in that he probably doesn't have a chance of winning.

Time for Joey's interview! She's her usual bright and shining self, all narrowed eyes and sighing. When Dawson asks where she sees herself in five years, she says maybe Tunisia, Africa, Antarctica. "When you talked about getting out of Capeside, I thought you meant like, Boston University," Dawson says. "The polar icecap is pretty far away." She tells him that's the point. He asks if there are things she'll miss... family? Friends? Basically he's saying, "Joey, you can't leave! You'll miss me too much!" She tells him that everything has to change eventually, and he gets that constipated look on his face again.

Tonight's the night! Backstage at Miss Windjammer, Jen gives Joey some final pointers-- Vaseline on the teeth, etc. Pacey's stuck using the janitor's closet as a dressing room, and Dawson helps him suit up. The eveningwear competition is up first! Some of these dresses are totally fug. That many sequins should be illegal. Joey, of course, wears a subtler black gown, since they want her all set up to win. Pacey and Jen watch her from backstage, and Pacey points out that Dawson's giving Joey moon eyes from behind his camera. "Is it the possibility of losing him to somebody else that makes him so attractive?" Pacey asks. Did I miss something? I haven't seen any evidence that Jen feels anything other than blind relief to be out of Dawson's clutches. Maybe it's the Stockholm Syndrome kicking in, then.

Pacey should probably win, because he looks damn fine in that tux. Just saying.

Talent time! Cue montage of girls doing weird random shit-- twirling a baton, delivering an overwrought monologue, tap-dancing in a hideous short-sleeved red blazer. Interspersed are shots of girls answering interview questions in the most embarrassing ways possible ("If I could talk to the governer for one hour," begins one overly hairsprayed contestant in one of the most offensive get-ups, "I'd... tell him how he could lose 30 lbs. in 30 days!"). Dark horse contestant Roberta Crump plays some classy piano, and Pacey provides a little comic relief. He sneaks down to chat with Mrs. Leery, who's a judge, and she tells him that he's hilarious, although he could never win. He's shocked. "For me to be written off is just completely unfair!" I'm on your side, Pace. These chicks have nothing on you.

And now it's Miss Josephine Potter's turn. Jen and Dawson watch her from the wings, and Jen tries to tell him she misses him, but once Joey breaks into song, he's lost to the world, apparently. She's all awkward and gawky as she sings "On My Own" from Les Miserables either very sharp or very flat (hey, I'm a writer, not a singer). Can we talk about how obvious this song choice was? No, actually, even talking about how obvious this song choice was is too obvious. Anyway, Dawson's clearly feeling stirrings either in his chest or in his suit pants as he watches her perform, and Jen totally knows it.

As an aside, Joey reminds me of Kristen "Bitchface" Stewart a lot in this season, always looking awkward and put-upon and sighing and hunching over and rolling her eyes. It's making me a little uncomfortable.

Backstage, Pacey readies for his talent portion. It appears that he was going to do card tricks, because when Dawson bursts in, the cards go flying. Maybe he was going to challenge the judges to a rollicking game of Go Fish. Pacey is pissed that nobody actually believed he could win the competition, so he does a little improvisation-- a dramatic interpretation of that one scene from "Braveheart," adapted to be about Pacey Witter. He's got the blue facepaint down, but his Scottish accent weirdly verges on an Indian accent from time to time. Whatever, bold move, Pacey. I dig it.

Once again we're backstage, and this time Joey's eavesdropping on a couple of sequined bitches gossiping about her. She's a "total charity case," they say. "She lives in a trailer, with her sister who just had an illegitimate baby with her black boyfriend." Zing! Dawson sees her and hears what they're saying, and she tries to run off. He says they're only making fun of her because they think she's going to win, and they're jealous. Probably true, based on their interview question answers. Dawson tells Joey he's proud of her. Go get 'em, Tiger! She does, and answers her interview question with some decent subtext about not judging people and small minds and stuff.

Time to announce the winners! Miss Hannah Von Wenning is the second runner up, and very clearly not pleased. The first runner up, and winner of "a free day of beauty at Betty's Hair Barn" (oh joy!) is Miss Josephine Potter. Bummer, Jo, but we all knew it was coming. Frizzy Roberta Crump, who very obviously deserves it despite her less polished appearance, takes home the gold.

Joey stands pensively on the dock post-pageant. Dawson and his mom approach her, and Mrs. Leery congratulates her before peacing out. Dawson stares awkwardly at Joey who stares awkwardly at the dock. "For the first time in my life... you've left me speechless," he says. Translation: you look hot, so I think I like you now. Jen lurks in the background, watching as Dawson takes Joey's hand and leads her further down the dock. Dawson says a bunch of stuff about how pretty she looked onstage. "I've known you forever, but I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time." She looks sad at that-- "There's something that's just not right about this." He says he thought this was what she wanted. How dare she reject your advances, amiright D? Shades of late season 3 Dawson are evident here. Joey's response is pretty great, because I always love it when she kind of puts him in his place, so I'm just going to quote the whole thing here:

"I thought that this was what I wanted, for you to see me as beautiful. For you to look at me the way that you look at Jen. But the truth is, I don't want that at all, Dawson. I want you to look at me and see the person you've always known and realize what we have is so much more incredible that some passing attraction, because you know what, Dawson? It's just lipstick. It's just hairspray. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up, and I'm going to be Joey. Just Joey. You know, the too-tall girl from the wrong side of the creek."

Then, after he says he needs time to think about these new feelings (that's puberty hitting you, D), she says, "Dawson! You've had a lifetime to process your feelings for me, and I can't spend the rest of mine hoping you might throw a general glance in my direction in between your tortured teen romances with whatever Jen Lindley enters your life next. I can't do it." This is awesome! Why can't she be strong and self-aware like this with Dawson all the time?

Pacey and Miss Hannah Von Wenning bond over being losers on the docks. She has successful siblings, you see, and his family basically hates him. Bummer.

Meanwhile at the Leerys', Dawson broods on the front porch. Jen approaches and tells him she still has feelings for him. Seriously, where is this coming from? I mean, aside from her obvious jealousy over the fact that he wants to bone Joey now. He looks taken aback at her offer. "Now's really not the best time," he answers.

Dear Jen,

Remember when you said you wanted to have girlfriends, because you thought it looked fun? Well, going after the dude your girlfriend likes the second he starts to show an interest in her is probably not the all-time number one way to go about it.

Your friend, Amy

We're back at Joey's now, and for some reason the Powers That Be decided we needed to hear Joey warble through "On My Own" again, so that's what's playing on the soundtrack as Joey brushes her hair at her vanity. She catches her own eye in the mirror, and pulls her hair back, clearly thinking, "Hey, maybe I can be pretty, after all!" Okay, fine, it's actually kind of a nice moment, and pretty realistic. I'll admit it-- Joey Potter had some pretty great moments in this episode. But we had to hear her sing not once but twice, so she's dead to me for now. Will she redeem herself to me in the finale by not singing any songs at all? Stay tuned.