Hurricane

Once again Dawson and Joey are in his room watching movies. And so it begins. The Winds of Foreshadowing blow in through the inexplicably open window as they switch the TV to the weather report. School is canceled, woohoo! Dawson's truancy-inspired good mood is ruined when the broadcast cuts to his mom and her lovah, who make weird innuendos about spending the day in bed together. "Your life is a hurricane," says Joey to Dawson. WTF? Oh and then, as Joey's climbing out the window, we're treated to the "Fasten your seatbelt. It's gonna be a bumpy life," line that was prominently featured in early Dawson's Creek promos. I forgot about that one.

Opening credits. I want to know right now, what will it be? Skip.

A hurricane is taking over Capeside! Dramatic shots of people bringing outdoor furniture inside! Cats and dogs raining from the sky!

Dawson confronts Gail in the Leery kitchen without actually telling her he knows about the affair. She's visibly shaken up. It's actually kind of awesome. I never thought I'd say that about Dawson.

Deputy Doug and Pacey walk up and down the windy beach, sticking signs in the sand that say "No Swimming." Duh. It's hurricaning. Don't go swimming in the ocean. Then Pacey starts the time-honored tradition of accusing Deputy Doug of being gay, which was funny when I was younger but now is just kind of tired. "But you like Barbara Streisand!" is lame reasoning.

They show up at Ms. Jacobs' house (which incidentally, as my friend Sara pointed out, looks to be the same house that Pacey and Doug live in later on in the series. Oh, TV). Awkward City. Pacey thinks that Ms. Jacobs and Deputy Doug are flirting, which they kind of are. He glares a lot in this scene, while Ms. Jacobs just giggles a lot.

Back at the Leery homestead, Crazy Backwoods Grams and Jen are over to wait out the storm. Grams mutters something about the Lord or raccoons or something. I swear, she's ridiculous in these early episodes. Dawson and Jen awkwardly talk on the front porch. Why is everything so awkward on this show? Dawson won't look her in the eye or anything and she flounces off.

So far the blocking in this episode has almost ENTIRELY consisted of people bringing rocking chairs indoors, which amuses me.

The Worst Cheater In The World loudly flirts with her lovah via telephone while sitting on the stairs in her house. Where everybody else in town is currently waiting out the storm. She makes kissy sounds into the phone. FOR REAL. Dawson finds her and makes an overly dramatic allusion to The Scarlet Letter. She chases him down and tries to backpedal about her cheating. "If you let me, I might be able to help you understand this," she says. I don't know anything about cheating, but she's kind of a cold-hearted bitch about it. Dawson storms off.

Into his room, where Jen is lurking! "Is the proposition of monogram such a Jurassic notion?" I don't think you should use Jurassic that way, Dawson. Then Jen is trying to defend Gail, and he says, "You would try to defend her." The "slut" is unspoken. OH, SNAP, D! You've gone too far. Jen storms away (lots of storming in this episode-- get it?? Because there's a hurricane?). Meanwhile Dawson discovers Joey hiding in his closet. WTF? He's all pissy-- oh yeah, because he's still mad that she didn't tell him about the affair. Then she gets pissed that he's pissed and plays the "at least you have a mom" card, which is kind of lame, but does the trick to make Dawson feel bad at least.

Back in the living room, everybody watches Gail's lovah stand in the wind and report about the weather on TV. Joey makes a crack about it, then she and Gail end up sitting in the stairwell discussing the situation. What is it about stairwells that make people think nobody else can hear them? Everybody else is like ten feet away. Gail tells Joey she's ending the affair.

Deputy Doug and Pacey have a pissing contest of sorts over Ms. Jacobs. Doug goes out to investigate a strange noise and while he's gone, Pacey convinces Ms. Jacobs that he's way gay. They start making out a little bit, during which the tablecloth gets somehow pulled off the table and Pacey winds up on top of her on the floor. Which, of course, is when Doug comes back in. Heh.

Uh oh, time for Gail to tell Mitch about the affair. Grab your popcorn. Dawson tries to sneak out of the room but Gail makes him stay. Gail babbles on about her dream of being Diane Sawyer or Barbara Walters. Somehow this comes around to how for two months she's been doin' it with another dude. "With another man. Having sex with another man," she reiterates. Way to rub it in, Gail!

The storm is heavy and I guess the power goes out. Mitch frantically looks for batteries or candles or something and then freaks out at Gail when she starts crying. "Don't you cry! You don't get to cry." Love it. You show her, Mitch.

At Ms. Jacobs', the unlikely threesome browse board games by candlelight. Doug suggests they play The If Game. "What's that?" asks Ms. Jacobs. It's basically just asking each other questions, and is not really a game at all, Doug. Ms. Jacobs reveals that she has "a dysfunctional ex-husband" back in New York. And probably a string of teenage ex-boyfriends, too.

Grams judges at Bodie and Bessie about their being interracial and unmarried and young and pregnant and shit. It gets old.

Jen and Joey sit on the floor on the porch and eat ice cream. Obviously, they start to discuss Dawson's penis size. "Do you think Dawson's got a pistol or a rifle?" asks Jen. I don't want any part of this discussion. But I feel it's my duty to report that they decide that he's "slightly above average." Ugh.

At Ms. Jacobs', The If Game is obviously over because Monopoly has begun. Boring. Ms. Jacobs and Doug sing some showtunes together, and then Doug asks her out. She agrees, but only because she thinks he's gay. She defends Pacey by telling Doug that she guessed it herself, using her well-honed gaydar. Aaaand Doug pulls his gun on Pacey. WTF? Unprofessional. But it works to make Pacey tell Ms. Jacobs that he isn't gay. Even though he so is.

Mitch has been sitting in the car in the rain for awhile now, and Gail runs out and gets in. He correctly guesses the identification of her lovah, then reminisces about the first time they met. He knew he loved her in that second, he says. Aww, Mitch. "Love is a decision that you make, and I made it, right there, on the spot." I love Mitch. Then he tells her he's deciding not to love her anymore. Yikes. "I choose to hate you now." I don't think it works like that but I really feel for him.

Now the following day (presumably?) the storm is over, and we're treated to shots of people taking their rocking chairs back outside. Doug asks Ms. Jacobs out again and she shoots him down because she's "seeing someone right now." I know who.

Jen and Dawson run into each other in the living room and she tells him all about her past. I guess before she didn't tell him all the gory details. Virginity lost at 13, drunken nights, caught having sex in her parents' bed, etc. "It's not you, okay, it's my own stupid hang-ups," explains Dawson. They make up. It's kind of boring. In fact, for how much confrontation happens in this episode, it's kind of boring all around.

Pacey comes back to see Ms. Jacobs. He tells her he's "rapidly falling in love with" her. Doesn't she kind of realize that this is not a good idea? "You know we're gonna have to end this; it's getting too dangerous," she says. Okay, maybe she does sort of realize it. But then she yanks him by his shirt into her house for some lovin', so I don't think she's entirely aware.

Gail sits in one of the aforementioned rocking chairs on the porch, and Mitch comes home. He sits outside the screen, with the barrier in between them, and asks why she did it. She explains that she had everything she'd ever wanted, and got restless. Yikes. "What do you do when everything is right? When everything is just what you've always wanted it to be?" Uh, you enjoy it?? "I just wanted to want again." I don't like it, Gail. I don't like it at all.

Joey is lurking in Dawson's room again. That's a little weird, right? That these girls are always chilling in his room when he isn't there? He apologizes to her and she apologizes to him for using "the mother card." They sigh a lot and then go play Jaws in the closet. What a pair of weirdos.