Boyfriend

I remember this episode being boring. But then I feel like I say that about every episode. Why am I even subjecting myself to this?? Oh yeah, because I have excess snark. I need a snark outlet.

Dawson is talking to himself in his room as he's flipping channels. He comes across some scrambled porn, looks baffled momentarily, then switches over to AMC, because he's Dawson. Just in time, D, because in through the window comes a sleepy Joey, kept up all night by the new baby. She falls asleep almost instantly, which makes sense, because Dawson has commenced his usual whining about how in classic movies, the geeky guys get the girls and why can't life be like the movies? I'd fall asleep, too.

Credits, etc.

The Leery parents awkwardly make breakfast. They're apparently in marriage counseling. There's nothing amusing me in this scene, because it's actually pretty tense, so moving on.

Pacey is sitting next to what appears to be a hobo on a park bench and complaining about how boring Capeside is when a guy in an old convertible drives up. We know he's supposed to be a badass because he's wearing a garish, brightly colored collared shirt under a black leather jacket. He reminds me of the marginally attractive school bully in Boy Meets World, which is not a very badass thing for him to remind me of. In any case, Pacey gives him directions to Capeside High.

At the Potters', Joey complains to Bessie about the baby. Get rid of that baby, she commands, it's too noisy. No, she really doesn't say that. She just whines about being sleepy, then goes to school, where she studies Spanish with Dawson before asking him how things are going with Jen. Wasn't it just the last episode where she had an emotional breakdown about how she'd met The One? Did they forget about that?

Anyway, the aforementioned badass shows up at school and Jen gets all flustered. His name is Billy, and she's not happy to see him. He convinces her to skip school with him though, which Dawson sees from his stalker-like position just around the corner. Then Noel from Felicity approaches Dawson to ask where Jen is. There's nobody else in the halls-- shouldn't these people be in class? Noel wants to know if Jen has a boyfriend and Dawson says she does-- him. Noel somehow keeps his laughter inside.

Billy looks to have taken Jen to her house. Won't Grams wonder why she isn't in school? Maybe she's at her Capeside Wilderness Church Knitting and Judging Club meeting. Jen tells Billy he has to leave, and he says he can't right now because he's too tired. It's daytime, dude, and it's not THAT far back to New York. In any case, he's asking her to find him a place to stay for the night, when Dawson walks up and interrupts them. WHY AREN'T THESE PEOPLE IN SCHOOL?? Or, oh wait-- maybe Jen and Leather Jacket skipped school, spent the whole day together, and he's dropping her off at home, and it's after school. That makes more sense. But what did they do all day?? I have to know.

Jen asks Dawson if Billy can stay at his house for the night. Dawson freaks out about how he doesn't even know the guy, he could be anyone, etc. When Jen's like, "Okay, what do you wanna know?" the first thing he asks is if Billy's a friend or a "friend." Yeah, that's relevant to whether or not he's going to steal your movie posters and murder your parents. She for some reason admits to him that Billy is the one who she was caught with, biblically, in her parents' bed before getting shipped off to Capeside. But he's just a friend now! Dawson agrees to let Billy stay the night, because apparently not only was "is he just a friend" the most important question, but it was the only thing Dawson needed to know.

That night in Dawson's room, Billy mocks Dawson's ET doll. Heh. Then he tells him that his nefarious plan is to win Jen back. Just kidding! Instead, he wants to offer up any information about Jen that Dawson wants to know. Classy.

Dawson flees to Joey's house to complain about how his "life is rapidly becoming a punchline in some seriously disturbed joke." Right. Joey tells him his problems aren't that big of a deal and to shut the hell up, in nicer words, and he runs off, cheered.

The next day, Jen and Dawson discuss Billy's presence. He's all, "Billy wants you back and I think you want him too, you ho!" She says they never got a chance to say goodbye, he treated her with respect, etc, and Dawson's like, "GTFO Billy." She's being pretty reasonable but Dawson's so black and white. He storms off.

Joey heads to the video store where Pacey's working, hoping to rent The English Patient. Apparently it's the only thing that will keep the baby asleep. The discussion turns to Dawson and Jen's issues, and Pacey can totally tell that she wants them to break up over this ex drama. She denies it, but not well. Also, she's wearing mom jeans. I take umbrage to this.

At Casa Leery, Ma and Pa Leery are fighting again. Poor Dawson, future Child of Divorce, sighs loudly upstairs in his room.

Later on at the Icehouse, Joey's apparently running a billion table section. But really, it looks like maybe five tables, so she should probably calm the hell down. In any case, Pacey comes to invite her to a party, though it's unclear why. "I didn't have a date and I thought of you," he says, and bribes her with the fact that Dawson will be there sans Jen. If Pacey was asking me to go to a party, it would be "Dawson who?" This girl is cracked.

Dawson is trying on oversized striped sweater after oversized striped sweater in front of a mirror in his room. Maybe he's having a fat day. Mitch comes up and somehow manages to hide his surprise that Dawson is actually a girl as Dawson whines about Jen hanging out with Billy. Then Mitch gives Dawson advice about compromise in relationships, and it's sort of adorable, but just because I love Mitch.

Billy and Jen are hanging out by the river. He's wearing a different garish, brightly colored collared shirt underneath his leather jacket today. "You are leaving me for a guy who's got an ET doll on his bed," he says indignantly. Jen pipes up that it's a collector's item. Dawson's got you brainwashed, Lindley! Billy asks for one last kiss before leaving, and she pecks him on the lips and peaces out. Somehow I don't think we've seen the last of Leather Jacket.

Party! Red Solo cups! Guy with dreadlocks dancing! Pacey spots girls to hit on, and Joey looks dour on the porch until Dawson shows up. "What do you say, one quick drink and we hit the video store?" he suggests. You guys are lame. Dawson is pouring their drinks (there's a keg, but he opts for the two-liter of Pepsi) when Jen shows up. She's there to apologize to him, and pulls him away to talk about things. He follows instantly, forgetting all about poor Joey.

Now for some fun. Joey's left all alone, so naturally she gets approached by the most ridiculous looking guy I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure they meant for him to be the attractive jock upperclassman type, but dude has straight, platinum blonde hair down past his shoulders, earrings and a goatee. They missed the mark, I'd say. I tried to find a good picture of him so you could revel in this gloriousness, but the picture at the top of the post is the best I could find. So anyway, he points out to her that Dawson ditched her to walk on the beach with Jen, and offers her a drink. Well, maybe at least she'll have a little fun.

On the beach, Billy crashes Dawson and Jen's little party. Dawson is disgruntled to find out that they had shared a kiss, and Billy insists that the kiss was more hello than goodbye.

Joey is dancing on the porch by herself, drink in hand. Pacey snatches the cup out of her hand and tells her to pace herself, and she starts slurring her words. Is this supposed to be like hours later, or is this one of the "one sip of alcohol will impair your judgment forever!" kind of afterschool specials? Olaf the blond dude comes up and asks "Chloe" if Pacey is bothering her, and tells him to scram.

"Jen, tell him that kiss meant nothing!" Dawson demands back down on the beach. Jen is all, "I'm confused! Who do I want?" Billy says he has claim to Jen because he's known her for longer, like he's been grandfathered in or something, and Dawson basically calls her a slut. She's offended (what? really?). "I just want to know where I stand. Who's it gonna be, him or me?" he asks. Uh, neither. She chooses herself and runs off.

Elsewhere on the dunes, Olaf is trying to mack on Joey. Pacey comes to save the day-- "Alright, Jo, say goodbye to the nice serial rapist man." Heh. Olaf takes a swing, but Pacey ducks, then decks him. Down for the count. Dawson spots them, runs over and takes all the saving-Joey credit.

The boys sneak Joey back into her house, since apparently she managed to get so drunk she can't walk. Pacey tries to keep the baby quiet while Dawson puts her to bed on the couch. She's mostly asleep, so he takes the opportunity to talk to her about their relationship. "If you ever need me, I'll always be here for you." Blah blah blah. She wakes up, puts her hand on his cheek and kisses him on the lips before falling back asleep. Awwwk-warrrrd.

Mitch and Gail talk about their problems more civilly. She's been trying to get them to try new things to work out their relationship, but he suggests they focus on the old stuff and asks her to dance. It's pretty cute. Seriously, Mitch is the best.

Dawson and Pacey are rowing away from the Potters', and Dawson tells Pacey that Joey kissed him. "It meant nothing, she was completely wasted and obviously mistook me for Brad Pitt." Riiight. Pacey, the voice of reason more often than not, tells him he's an idiot and that Joey's hung up on him. Dawson laughs it off, but is clearly a little unsettled.

Billy leaves. Apparently Jen told him she wants to be with Dawson, so he packs his stuff and leaves only a threat that he'll be back if Dawson doesn't treat her well. Jen and Dawson meet on the dock, where he apologizes for calling her a ho earlier. She says this has all made her realize she's never been alone, so she breaks it off with Dawson, too. She says a lot of stuff, and he says a lot of stuff, but I don't like breakups, so let's move on. There's a depressing Ben Folds Five song playing, too. Anyway. The end.