Roadtrip

I feel like that last one was really dull. I will try to be funnier henceforth. I do not like to disappoint.

Oh my god. We open with Dawson sitting beside his window, knees hugged to his chest, plaintive look on his face, with Savage Garden's "Truly, Madly, Deeply" playing on the soundtrack. I don't know how to say anything funny about that, because that is so funny all by itself. So just picture it. "Dawson. The neighbor girl dumped you. Nobody died. Get over it," says Joey from the bed. Heh. No, he has pouting he wants to do. He's a lady. "She rejected romance, honesty and respect," he laments. He flops down on the bed and Joey goes to put on the movie they were going to watch, only to discover that the video of Jen in her yellow sundress is in the VCR. Cue eyeroll, and credits.

I was correct in assuming we'd not seen the last of Billy, and not just because I've seen this before. He steals the ladder from the Leerys' house and climbs into Jen's flowery bedroom. He's lounging on her bed when Grams comes in. She doesn't react as crazily as I would have expected. I'm disappointed. Nothing about heathens at all.

Billy says he heard that she dumped Dawson and decided to stick around. How did he hear this? Is he hanging out with local high school kids now while he's in town? Does he subscribe to some sort of newsletter? Is he a part of a phone tree? She shoots him down and he climbs back out the window.

...only to be found lounging on the hood of his car, eating an apple with a pocketknife (eating an apple with a pocketknife), when Dawson walks up. I do want to point out that he's changed into yet another garish, brightly colored, collared shirt. He tells Dawson they have an awful lot in common, and then plays on all his insecurities to manipulate Dawson into hanging out with him. Is New York so boring that he a) can't find another girl, and b) wants to hang out with Dawson? They decide to skip school to go to a bar in Providence where Billy "knows the bouncer."

Joey is walking, presumably to school, when the dude who played the redhead's boyfriend in the first season of Six Feet Under pulls up in a Jeep and offers her a ride to school. Don't get into cars with strangers, Joey. She's apparently impressed that he knows who Ted Bundy is, and acquiesces. Seriously, Joey. He immediately makes a joke about her nipples, and suggests they "get down in the sand together." Do people talk like this? He asks her what she and her boyfriend, Dawson, do. I'm kind of surprised all these popular guys, like Olaf in the last episode, know who Dawson is and know the ins and outs of his romance life. "I may be a virgin, but believe me, it's by choice," says Joey. Also, because you're fifteen.

Billy and Dawson make a stop at school before skipping, because Dawson wants to turn in some homework first. Really? Pacey gets all excited and wants to join them. While Dawson is being a huge dork, Jen and Joey run into Pacey and Billy. Jen's displeased at the corruption about to befall Dawson's precious virtue. Billy, for his part, tells her that he's taking the boys to a whorehouse in Providence.

The boys leave, and Jen asks Joey if she had sex with Warren (aka the jock who drove her to school). Apparently he's spreading that rumor after one five minute car ride. Told you not to get into cars with strangers, Jo.

Pacey coaches Dawson about being rebellious while on a ferryboat. "You're a regular Richie Cunningham. And Billy, he's the Fonz," he says. Dawson points out that that would make Pacey Potsie, which amuses me. Also-- is that how you spell Potsie? Potsy? What a strange name. I'm glad I'm not blogging my way through Happy Days. That would give me trouble.

Joey approaches Warren in the cafeteria and confronts him about the sex rumor. He tells her that it'll help them both-- improve her reputation and maintain his. What a nice favor he's done for her. "I never said I'd be your boyfriend!" he announces loudly, so everyone can hear. Uh oh.

In the hallway, Jen assures Joey that she didn't actually believe the rumor. She always saw Joey with somebody more like-- well, we know who she's getting at. Gross. Let's not put thoughts of sex and thoughts of Dawson in the same brain, shall we? Jen suggests they get revenge on Warren, and they conspire.

Pacey tells Dawson that he's the angel on Pacey's shoulder. Dawson doesn't want to be a goody goody anymore, apparently. He's ready to be reckless. In the meantime, Billy notices some dudes on the boat harrassing people, pushing on their car, yelling, drinking, etc. What to do? Dawson has an idea.

Back at school, Abby Morgan approaches Joey about the Warren rumor, and Joey puts the plan in motion. "He told me he loved me," she says, pretending to cry. She tells Abby that they didn't use protection, and whoops! Pregnant. And in this version of the story, he's telling all his friends it's not his problem. Abby's eating it up, of course, and runs off, presumably to spread this new information around school.

On the boat, Dawson puts his own plan in motion: the one he stole from American Graffiti. I don't know how Dawson knows how to do any of this, but he chains the back bumper of the douchebags' car to the boat. Where did they find chains? Don't people work on the ferry to prevent things like this from happening? It happens though-- when the time comes to drive off, Billy moons the douchebags and they slam on the brakes, separating car from bumper. Success!

Onto the club in Providence. It's a good thing Dawson looks forty, so I'm sure he had no trouble getting in. They discuss which girls they're going to inflict Dawson on.

It's the College Fair at Capeside High. The librarian pulls Joey aside and tells her she heard about the pregnancy, and wants to enroll her in the Family Planning class. Heh. Did Joey not think things like this would happen? Warren approaches his locker and finds baby shoes and bottles and stuff decorating it. Apparently word does get around.

Back at the club, Dawson picks a girl. Oh man. This one is better than Olaf from the last episode. He picks her out of the crowd though he only sees her from the back, because her t-shirt says "Film Threat" on the back. That's right. She's got a mess of curly hair and looks like a fifty-three year old smoker. See: this episode's picture up top. "My name is Dawson," he tells her awkwardly after tapping her on the shoulder. She is disinterested. He taps again. She's still disinterested, though she keeps talking to him. Pacey and Billy spot Dawson and his conquest, and pretend that she's actually attractive.

The girl, Nina, asks Dawson why he approached her. "Actually, it was your shirt," he says. Weird. "So what are you, Dawson, some kind of film buff?" Oh god, Nina. Why did you just do that?

Joey comes over to Jen's to suggest they call off the dogs. She's uncomfortable with the attention, and feels kind of bad about what people are doing to and saying about Warren. Joey lashes out at Jen for hurting Dawson. They fight about Dawson a lot. He's not worth it, girls. Like, seriously.

Apparently Nina thinks he might be worth it, though, because she's debating directors with him at the bar. She rightfully makes fun of him for loving Spielberg so much. Billy comes over and tries to hit on Nina, apparently unable to tell that she's really fifty-eight years old. She bristles, and suggests she and Dawson get out of there. Oh god. They walk to the parking lot and Dawson rambles awkwardly about the weather and Billy and film school. He's totally wondering if he's going to get some tonight. She gently shoots him down-- she can tell he's trying to prove something, she says. He admits that he just got dumped, and is looking to feel better. "Would it impress your friends if you didn't reappear 'til morning?" she asks. She suggests he come over and they just watch TV. Um, this is a terrible idea, Nina. You don't know this guy and also, he's a child. Do you want to be on the sex offender list forever, Nina? You know you can't live within a certain distance of a church or school if you're a sex offender, and that would make apartment hunting even more of a hassle than it already is for you. Care to rethink that decision? Well, it's moot, because Dawson turns her down because he's too hung up on Jen. They do kiss, though, before she gets into her a car and drives off.

Back at the College Fair-- and as an aside, so, did Joey go to the College Fair, leave the Fair to go yell at Jen, and then come back?-- Abby runs into Jen. The Warren rumor can't be true, Abby says. Her friend Elise is Warren's ex, and tells Jen that Warren can't get it up. Heh. Jen passes along the information to Joey and they cackle about it in the corner.

Aaaand back at the club. Dawson comes back in and joins the boys, who are disappointed he's not off getting busy with the sixty-year-old. Billy's all, "No wonder you couldn't score with Jen." Ooooh. Harsh. Dawson says he knows Billy just wanted Dawson to hook up with somebody so he could tell Jen and get her back. Seriously, are there no other cute girls in New York? Billy gets pissy and leaves. Dawson and Pacey are stranded! Oh, no!

At school (is the College Fair still going on? Why do these kids keep going to their lockers at night?), Warren suggests that he and Joey do it, since everybody already thinks they have. She tells him she hears he's not very good in bed, and could spread that around, instead. He angrily agrees to deny that they ever did anything. And then he asks her out on a date! Ha. I think she should have said yes. Anybody is a better candidate than Dawson. But alas, she turns him down.

Dawson and Pacey sit in the rain at a bus stop in Providence. Pacey accuses Dawson of kissing Nina, because, "are you just wearing that lipstick as a fashion statement?" Ew. He's had lipstick on his lips all this time?

Joey brings ice cream over to Jen's, where Jen is reading by candlelight under a blanket on the porch like she's turning into Grams. It's a peace offering, and they make up. I much prefer later seasons when they aren't constantly discussing Dawson. Jen indicates that Dawson's in love with Joey, while she herself is just the object of his infatuation. But at this point, they still think that he's at a whorehouse, so they speculate on that. Gross.

In the morning, Joey waits for Dawson in his room. Weird. Do his parents not care that he was out all night? And why did it take them all night to take the bus home from Providence? Joey wants to hear about Dawson's night, but he's sleepy, so to bed he goes. Is he just gonna sleep there while she watches? She just sits there. Seriously, Joey, that's creepy. Go home. Also, I want to note that Savage Garden is playing again as we fade out. Just saying.